Bad bad Darlings
by Seven secrets
Summary: I don't know if I can yell any louder how many lies can we tell each other or say something insulting? We can be so mean when we want to we are capable of nearly anything. What is it with your world that makes me act like this? I've never been this nasty.
1. Chapter 1

Diary,

I turn to you in my hour of need, it has been going on for so long and I fear I cannot turn to anyone else...G and I intend to see one another again tonight. He is different of that I am sure, it is his strange fixation with me that I find both intriguing and frightening, I am frightened as I discover myself returning his feelings.

Which is not something a woman of my future stature should be doing, I know this...and I loathe myself for what I am doing to Jasper, he is such a kind and loving man and I am truly unworthy of being known as his betrothed.

But I cannot stop myself, I know of his history and his nature...but the more I find out that is designed to keep me away the more I chase after him, the lies I have told have become a complicated web and I'm not sure of how to get out of it...

But I am not the only guilty party, you must know that diary and though most people believe that I am completely ignorant of what is going on, I have strong reason to believe that jasper himself has been sneaking around with Alice, the very same Alice that I welcomed into my home with open arms, I see the way they look at one another when they think my back is turned, she is my friend and yet she is my husband's mistress. Is it not only fair that I have myself a master?

No it is not, I am no whore, but I feel our lives a centred around other people, I am sure Jasper loves me, but not in the way a husband should love his wife...perhaps in the way a friend might love another friend? And I am sure I love him, but not in the way I am supposed to, eventually with time I'm sure we can grow to love one another, we are already fond of each other but that is not the love I was promised when I first entered this world.

I will write again Diary, be sure of that, soon your pages shall be full and your spin worn out, until later my good friend.

Kate


	2. Mr Cullen

**When life gives you lemons the idea is the make lemonade, as much of it as you can for a long as you can.**

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_"I assure you Sir, my daughters are completely able to fulfil your sons' needs." The tall brunette woman I know as my mother, said from her high faded peach colored chair, her hands folded neatly in the way they only were when we had an important guest, her hat lime green hat sat straight on top of her head of brown cluttered of hair, which she had now pulled into as neat of a pony tail as she could manage, although curly springs of hair poked awkwardly on edge around the tight band that held them together._

_"I must hope so Ms Denali, I feel this arrangement shall benefit both parties." Though I could not see him through the small parting in living room door, I could still picture his face, tall and stern, his eyes portraying a distant nature, his features composed, like a king though it was unlikely my mother would be able to get such an influential person to even set foot into this house._

_I knew this was not a conversation I should be hearing, and that if I was caught I would most likely receive some form of punishment but I could not bring myself to care, "Mr. Cullen, I cannot say that the children shall be happy about such an arrangement being made, but I guarantee that in time they will… grow fond of one another." My mother's voice was far too eager to be considered subtle, though perhaps Mr. Cullen simply chose to ignore it._

_"Yes, I thought that also, but only time can tell, good evening Ms Denali." I could hear the sound of my mother's high heeled , as they clicked on top of the hard wooden floor boards, as she stood to escort the visitor from our cranberry pink colored house, an odd color that was only chosen in an effort to shut Tanya and I up._

_"Yes Mr. Cullen, it has been a pleasure, give my regards to your wife won't you." I knew that they would simply be making short pleasantries, I ran towards the staircase the wood was cold on my bare feet my nightdress hitting at my ankles, I could hear them moving closer towards the door, I quickly jumped behind the safety of the metal railing._

_The door swung open, my mother leading the way, her purple dress and brown hair swishing with each step, the man behind her was rather tall, his face partially obscured by the dark shadows of the corridor, though from what I could see his hair was a light shade of blonde, almost white, like the sun when I looked into it on the clear blue days when we play in the gardens helping Georgina plant the Tulips and Pansies, his skin was pale, he wore a black jacket and golden waist coat and his shoes were polished were so brightly polished that even from this distance I could make out the small reflection bouncing on them._

_They moved further down the corridor until they were out of sight, though I had the smallest suspicion that he saw me or possible sensed my presence._

_I made my way over towards my bed room, the plain green walls, and white four poster bed, greeting me warmly, along with the stares of my elder sisters, as they sat in their usual places in the room, Tanya by the arched mirror opposite my bed, Irina on her bed with the blanket covering her legs._

_It was funny really the fact that though we spent so much time together, I did not like my sisters, I loved them in the sense that they were my sister's and because of that I felt I had to love them but I didn't **like** them, only on rare occasions did I ever like them._

_"Where were you Kate?" Irina was the first one to start the interrogation, which honestly didn't surprise me, her eyebrow was raised slightly as she took in my flushed face, and panted breath._

_"I was downstairs." I said simply moving closer towards the siren call of my warm bed._

_"Doing what?" Tanya asked combing through her locks of strawberry blonde hair, though I recall the other children once referring to that particular shade of hair as Ginger, though the idea of seeing Tanya's face when I told her was appealing, I made a special note to keep that to myself._

_"If you must know I was spying…." I began, turning my head over towards Irina, the less obnoxious of the two, though she was the eldest of us she was far from the least fun, while Tanya's hair was Gin… Strawberry, Irina's was short and pale blonde only reaching to the tip of her shoulders._

_"How many times Kate, must we tell you, if you get caught mother will…" she began her voice stern though showing slight interest._

_"You don't understand, there was a visitor, he and mother… we discussing something, but I suppose if you would rather not hear it then, I'll simply have to keep it to myself." I turned towards the bed, I would not say I was a terrible liar but it seemed that my sisters always found a way to figure out when I was._

_"And what might that discussion be about?" Tanya asked still not turning away from her vanity._

_"Hmm…" I said trying my hand at being discreet though I could tell that I wasn't fooling my narrow minded sisters which was a huge blow to my ego._

_"Out with it already Kate." Irina snapped her patience always tended to wear thin, though she claimed mine was much worse._

_"Well I'm not sure for certain but, I believe they were discussing marriage, the man's name was Mr Cullen, they talked for quite awhile so I blocked out most of their speech…but when they mentioned our names, they also mentioned his sons names…" I said but was quickly interrupted when Tanya gave a loud squeal of delight, visibly perking up at the news, a large grin spreading across her face._

_Tanya was one year older than me, though she seemed to think that was divided up into centuries, Irina was two years older than Tanya, who was eleven, "Oh do shut up Tanya, do you want the whole town to hear you? Quickly speak louder why don't you I'm sure the people in Manhattan didn't hear quite hear you properly." Irina's voice was warmer then it usually was in these situations which was a rare occasion and normally she would be on my side, feeling angered at the idea of having no choice in the person we must spend the rest of our lives with, but the name Cullen seemed to strike a nerve, the kind of nerve that makes someone warm and friendly, "Carry on Kate."_

_I resisted the urge to roll my eyes but continued anyway, "Well, from what I saw of Mr. Cullen he seems rather… rich, he as a wife, like I presumed but, the way mother was speaking to him was as though he was much more then wealthy, I guess you can argue it might be because of his looks…" Again I was interrupted, but not from Tanya this time._

_"What did he look like? Was he short and podgy?" She asked, sitting up straighter, but before I could answer I was attacked by another question._

_"Did he have long black hair? Was he tall and awkward?" Tanya asked turning around on her seat so she was now facing us, putting her hair brush down for the first time since curfew._

_"He was tall, and slim, he had pale blonde hair it almost seemed white… but he wasn't old," I added quickly before my sisters could say anything "well not old, old anyway, he was old like a parent should be I suppose though he did seem quite young, he wore nice clothes…" I said._

_"I bet they were made from silk… from India, and his shoes, I bet they were made from Italy." Tanya mused._

_"He had a long black jacket and a golden waist coat, his face was smooth and pale, his nose was nice and straight not like Mr. Wallace's, but I couldn't see his eyes…"_

_"I bet they were something rich, like silver, or dark brown…" Irina chatted sitting up a little straighter in her bed._

_"I bet they were cold, and kingly, like green or blue." Tanya added picking her brush back up to resume straightening her curls, so they fell into waves._

_"I'm not sure, he seemed distant though, very uppity." I whispered._

_"Of course he seemed uppity to you Kate, he's royalty he can't be anything less to strangers, and was most likely checking we're not some weird breed of cows or something." Tanya snapped, as though she knew so much more about the world then I ever would._

_The sound of St. Mary's came clicking slowly towards our room, Tanya and I spared each other a glance before dashing off into out beds whilst Irina, pulled the duvet up over her body._

_I ducted underneath mine, waiting patiently for the moment my mother would come to see to it that my sisters and I were asleep, I rested my golden head of hair on my arms before curling into a tight ball._

That was the first time I saw Mr. Cullen, though it wasn't the last throughout the next six years of my life he had visited but only on a few occasions and he would barely pay my sisters and I any notice during that time, which led us up to today's events, where he had officially invited himself and his other family members to our home.

We stood a single file line in the living room, the warm wooden walls which had the faintest smell of fresh paint still lingering around them made me feeling even more nauseous then I already was, Georgina occasionally sending small smiles in our direction she busied herself with making the room seem more presentable, whilst our mother watched us carefully from the door her brown eyes examining each of us with caution.

The small ring of the bell made her jump suddenly, "Here we go, I can't wait I can feel my heart beating faster." Said Tanya, straightening out her hair, she wore a pale blue dress, the corset strapped tightly, as her and mother had requested.

Irina's face was blank and unreadable, her hair was down, her grey frilled dress tumbling towards the floor, though she had not made any requests as Tanya had, the look in her eyes as she heard the herd of shoes moving towards the door was enough to give away her indifferent façade.

I felt my own heart rate increase, feeling my throat close up slightly and the insufferable butterflies returning to my stomach, the dress I had to bare was red and golden, the sleeves reached down to my elbows puffing up into itchy ripples.

Georgina made her way quickly towards the door, she was a rather chubby woman with brown hair that she always wore in a neat bun, her dress was black, with a clean petticoat tied around her waist.

I straightened my hair which I had insisted on wearing down, pushing the hay like curls forward, Georgina sent us one final glance before opening the heavy door black wooden door, which was now officially gapless.

A group of five people excluding my mother stood behind it, a woman with caramel colored hair stood with Mr. Cullen, her hand wrapped tightly around his, she was much prettier than most women dazzling in fact, her skin was smooth and soft, her eyes were a most peculiar color, though I suppose they were not unheard of but somewhat rare, they were like thick pools of butter scotch.

Mr. Cullen stood tall, his head held high as he appraised each of us, his eyes were a striking shade of icy blue and his expression unreadable.

Behind him stood three well dressed boys or men should I say, one tall and muscley his hair was dark brown and curly, as were his eyes which seemed like pools of chocolate, he stood further apart from the group and more closely to his mother as though excluding himself from the coming affair, his brother I presumed stood still, his hair was hard to categorise it was brown and it was red, not as cheap or dirty as copper, like bronze his expression was bored as he watched each of us, his green eyes showed no reaction to our looks, he seemed to be brooding more than anything wallowing in a abyss of self-pity which my mother had told me many times was by no means an attractive quality though looking at her now you would have never been able to guess that those words had come from her mouth, with that Cheshire like grin that was currently occupying her lips.

The final member of the visiting Cullen clan was a blonde his hair would be better described as honey, his eyes were dark and his expression cold, I felt a small chill run down my spine as his gaze drifted from a smiling Tanya towards me.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, I would like to introduce you to my daughters," mother beamed proudly turning towards us, "This is Irina, she is my eldest, nineteen years of age." Irina stepped forward when she heard her name being called, she smiled kindly at the Cullen family most likely for my mother's benefit before falling back into line.

"Lovely to meet you Irina." Said Mrs. Cullen smiling towards my sister, her teeth flashing quickly, mother beamed wider as though in a matter of seconds she would surely burst, her brown eyes were sparkling as she tried to hold back the enthusiasm bubbling inside her.

"This is Tanya, my second daughter," Tanya stepped forward on cue her lips pursed into a small pout, her blue eyes meeting each Cullen's before our mother continued her show boating, "She is seventeen years of age." Tanya smiled extra widely towards the copper, or bronze haired Cullen, showing her interest in the man though he did not seem fazed by her attempts which was a first considering Tanya's history with men but this did not seem to flatten her hopes in fact it only seemed to make her confidence and ego grow more, she walked back into line slowing making sure she stood out most from the three of us.

"And this is Katrina," My jaw clenched and unclenched how I loathed that name, it seemed as though my mother had hated before she even met me, I stepped forward battling the urge to lower my head in shame to my full name, "She is my youngest daughter, only sixteen years of age, but do not let that fool you, Kate is well versed in the works of Shakespeare and Charles Dickens much like my other two daughters." It felt as though she was selling us, preparing to ship us away to some group of pirated strangers, which would most probably be named something like Black Beard, Red finger, wing picker…or something utterly ridiculous like that.

Mr. Cullen simply nodded his head taking in each of us before finally turning to my mother who seemed eager to hear every word that left his lips, "What lovely children you have Ms Granger, I'm sure I will be able to say the same for your home, would you mind showing my wife and I around the grounds?" I doubted he need much of a tour though I had only seen him in the living room, his voice showed he was only a smidgen interested in the scenery of the house though my mother usually not one to take things out of context nodded eagerly along and began leading the couple into the corridor.

Georgina glanced awkwardly between us and the young Cullens neither of us knowing what was best to do in this situation, the blonde Cullen continued watching me carefully and I found it difficult not to submit to his gaze.

Tanya being the outspoken person she was, was the first to make a move, making a bee line towards the bronze haired Cullen who seemed startled at her toss at confrontation, his eyes widened as she moved quickly towards him, her shoes clicking with each step she took.

"Hello, my name is Jasper, pleasure to meet you ma'am." His voice was soft and smooth, the hint of a southern drawl mixed in sweetly with the way he carried himself.

I curtseyed watching my sister's futile attempts at gaining the other Cullen's affection, "I assure you the pleasure is all mine, and my name is Kate."

He hesitated before answering, "My apologies I thought your name was Katrina… you must forgive me ma'am…" He said reaching his hand out towards me.

I swallowed hard, not sure what to do having not been fully equip in this area, from the corner of my eye I could see the largest Cullen grinning, and I felt my cheeks flush, and embarrassment over whelm me, before being cancelled out by the anger I now felt for being foolish enough to lose composure.

Jasper, as I now know his name to be, smiled kindly, placing a gentle hand onto my shoulder, "You are forgiven." I managed to squeak out in a slight stutter, I looked down.

"You have the most charming family, I've ever seen." he smiled warmly, his dark eyes showing a small hint of amusement that was well hidden under the mask of emotions he covers himself with.

I inwardly grinning at his ignorance, it felt as though it would be a kindness to let him on the real malfunction that my family suffered from "Thank you, though I think you must be mistaken, your family is clearly much more…well kept then mine. After all some of us are merely human."

He chuckled, I wasn't sure if I amused him with my attempt at a joke or if it was simply my personality that he found humorous, so I simply put on a smile.

We talked throughout most of his visit and it seemed we never got bored even after all the tedious pleasantries had pasted we found entertainment in our siblings failed attempts at conversation, from the one known as Edward's small sighs and broads to Tanya's constant eyelash fluttering and hair flipping, and to the fact the Irina and Emmett barely even bothered acknowledging one another's existence.

When our parents returned into the room, to announce it was now time for the Cullen's to depart, Jasper turned towards me his face once again bare of many emotions but a look of disappointment painted his features, he leaned towards me his lips mere inches away from my ear and whispered lightly "I hope to see you again…Kate."

I felt a small blush creep across my face, but miraculously managed to reply back in a calm voice "The same to you Jasper…" And with a small nod he and his family left in a V like formation from our home, none spearing any glances back towards us

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**When life gives you lemons ask for the reciept.**

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	3. The age of Eleven

**Ok so before I start this chapter I'd like to give a big thanks to my abesoultely amazing Beta **_Baby Mama in training _**she made this chapter really shine! So check out a few of her amazing stories too :)**

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**The age Of Eleven**

The dirty streets of the local market were full of busting desperate sales merchant, traders,and travellers alike.

I had asked to join Gina on her weekly trip today to the market, and looking down at the filthy gutter mud that stained various parts of the sidewalk was not what I had imagined this journey would be like**. **I had imagined fine silk and magicians, exotic fruits and animals. Instead I saw beggars gripping onto the legs of rich men, with their filthy palms raised up in hope, I saw no other children holding onto a small tattered skipping rope taking it inturns to jumping into the middle**. **And a few pick pocketers lurking behind the unsuspecting backs of naive old women, occasionally sending a secretive wink in my direction.

While Georgina moved knowingly from stall to stall on her quest to retrieve every item on my mother's list.I gripped her large fingers with my hand as we made our way through the busy crowd**,** and weaved inbetween others trying not to get squashed and carried away in the sea of people.

"Fresh veggies! Fresh vegetables**,** Get your new shoes! New shoes! Paper! Paper!" A series of cries and hollers for attentions chimed throughout themarket place, we had been out only for a half an hour and my feet were already cramping in a pair of boots that were at least two sizes too small and all I had to show for my pain was a measly hand full of apples and half a litre of milk.

"What do we have next on the list Gina? Are we through yet or must we keep tottering down this god forsaken market as though we have absolutely nothing more relevant to our lives to do?" I asked, looking up at her feeling over whelming bored and tired with this situation.

"The last time I checked Miss**.** Kate, you were the one who volunteered to accompany me and I must say you're making this very difficult, if you would prefer why don't you run along and play with those other children**.** I'm sure it would be much more entertaining than tottering down this godforsaken market with me." She scowled before removing my hands grip on her fingers, and thoughlogic told me not to stray from her, my pride and stubbornness on the other hand urged me to test out her passion and annoyance with me. By moving away from her, only to her continue away from me as though I was nothing more than a merelittletoddler who had thrown one temper tantrum too many.

I lifted my head high and strutted away from her and into the depths of the now I was eleven a whole year older than I was when I first met Mr. Cullen, and my logic had long since improved, I was not as gullible and innocent as I once was last year, I had long since grown out of teeth were now a full set of healthy adult ones, my hair remained the same, long and slightly ruffled but that was mainly due to the fact I spent much less of my time in front of my sister's vanity mirror, my temper and sarcasm had seemed to become even more immature though, and it seemed the slightest things would set me off, which I was often scolded on by both my mother and Gina.

I snaked my way through the crowd in an attempt to reach the other side of the road where I had last seen a group of children playing, around the small empty pavement side before disappearing through the bushes into an empty field.

From the corner of my eye I could see the distant figure of Gina looking around frantically for me, which in my opinion only served her right considering the way she completely dismissed me in order to, make herself seem more superior to me.

I moved quicker this time, nudging past tall men in expensive black suits and their giddy wives who cooed and gushed over my clothes and reached forward in an attempt to ruffle my hair as though I was some sort of pet simply in existence for their affection and amusement.

I squired out of their reach and made a mad dash towards what looked to be a spot of green in the distance, ignoring the strange smiles of worrying strangers and the continuous hollering of despondent stall traders.

I was left panting and hunched over when I finally reached the sidewalk, the sound of feet hitting the hard pavement and singing rang lightly towards me, my hair was in my face and I made a desperate attempt to straighten it out.

"England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales..."**-** They chanted spinning the rope which cased the sound of wind swaying around**-** "Inside, outside, on the rails!" They laughed; I felt my cheeks returning to their normal pale colour and looked up towards them.

They simply nodded in my direction before resuming their play, I looked towards the small gap in the bushes, the ground underneath it was wet and muddy, covered in dead leaves and fallen twigs and thorns, and I took a deep breath before moving towards it.

This action caused a series of whispers and mutters to run through the skipping girls, and I caught small phrases of their conversation.

"What does she think she's doing?" Asked one, glancing strangely towards me.

"Posh little twit like that...G is going to have her head when he finds her...and he might be able to remove that little silver spoon from her bum.." Laughed another one, I instantly hated this girl she was a good head shorter than me, with plain brown hair that reached just up to her shoulders, she wore quite a lot of black and sneered disrespectfully towards me.

I felt my blood instantly begin to boil and my fingers twitch in anticipation, as I imagined wrapping my hands around her neck and strangling the ugly breath out of her.

"Sorry, Beggar girl I didn't quite catch that, and quite frankly if anyone is a twit it would be you for thinking for one minute that I actually cared about your opinion or you so why don't you go back to your little jug on the side walk, because by the look of your face you need all the money you can get because it looks as though you haven't got a pot in which to piss." I smirked, narrowing my eyes towards her, before I got down on my hands and knees in the mud holding back a cringe of disgust as my hands were instantly engorged inside the thick murky water.

I winced slightly as the twigs and thorns poked uncomfortably into my sides, but kept moving with my head bowed low until I felt the soft wet feel of grass underneath my hands.I knew that doing this would worry Gina more but I had to prove to that stupid girl that I was better than her and I could do anything I wanted to even if I was ten times better than her.

The sky seemed less grey on this side, I noted as I stood up and began removing the remains of bush from my hair, and clothes, frowning at the mud patches on my knees and the small cuts in my clothes.

The air was still and there was no sound of life for miles, I moved forward cautiously looking around at my surroundings, I was in a field, with bright green grass and a mountain of daisies and mud covering it's surface, I smiled to myself as I moved forward slowly glancing nervously behind me towards the area in which I had left the horrid plain girl.

But nothing not a sound could be heard, which was odd because only a matter of seconds later I found myself being gripped from the back, a strong pair of hands holding my arms behind me. I winced in pain, and struggled to get out of their grip but to no avail.

"Is this **'**er Jane?" The voice from behind me asked, it was a boy, a strong boy who was most likely the leader of this group of sick individuals.

"Who's _her_? The cat's mother? I have a name you little lunatic and it's _Kate_." I growled under my breath shaking and squirming but that only caused their hold to tighten, I could imagine red marks or bruises in the shake of fingers curling around my wrists.

"Yeah, that's her Alec. I didn't do anything to her and the next thing I now she's calling me names." Whined the evil one, also known as Beggar and Jane, I could picture her face now, smugness painting her features, what kind of person does this?

Alec gripped tighter onto my wrists pulling them down slightly so I had to bite down hard onto my lip to hold back from screaming, feeling my back arch uncomfortably.

"That's my sister you were talking to. So why don't you be a good little posh twat and apologise." He said calmly ignoring me as I shook with a small amount of fear, and at his words my stubborn temper grew larger and I held back a growl.

"Look you. I'm not going to apologise for something I didn't do now I suggest you get your grimy hands off of me before I call the police over." I said as calmly as I could though on the inside I was shaking with fear and boiling with anger at myself for making the situation worse when all I needed to do to end it was apologise.

He laughed harshly at me before shoving me onto the floor, "I told you to say sorry." He growled, circling around me until his feet were inches from me face.

"And I told you it's not going to happen anytime soon." I muttered under my breath, hisses at him**,** pulling myself up from the floor, and glared at him.

He looked very much like his sister, his was short but the same shade of plain brown as Jane's his eyes were brown and slightly tinted so they gave him to look of evil and blood lust, his feature's were innocent and loveable though judging by the days events I highly doubted I would ever be phased by them.

He glared right back at me taking a threatening step forward, his dark clothes look out of place in the once cheery setting.

"Oi what's going on here then?" A loud voice called out, causing Alec to freeze slightly before returning to glare at me, but it was long enough for me to reali**z**e that whoever the owner of the voice was was also the leader of this little gang.

I smirked slightly before spinning around towards the real leader, subconsciously rubbing my wrists as I laid eyes on him, he wasn't like the others though it was obvious he was only as rich and clean as they were there was something distinctly different about him and I couldn't quite put my finger on it, he had blond hair like mine though his was darker and hand more brown in it which could have come from the mud or his actual roots, his eyes were a nice shade of blue a dark blue that was a medley of colours ranging from turquoise to midnight blue, his clothes were much more colourful a plain and tattered pair of blue trousers, a green long sleeved shirt that made him seem almost like peter pan.

"This twat here was bullying Jane and refused to say sorry, I was just teaching 'er a lesson." Alec replied sounding noticeably nervous, so nervous in fact that he had begun to stutter slightly**.**

"As I told you before you loony, my name is _Kate_. And your sister is a compulsive _liar_ who should rightly deserve to get a good slap across the face one of these days." I replied glaring towards Alec, before turning back to the leader who seemed deep in thought.

"It's nice to meet you Kate, my name is Garrett, though I'm guessing they've referred to me as G**.**" He said it more as a statement than as a question as he glanced between his small gathering of cronies.

I nodded, "It's a pleasure to meet you Garrett, would you mind asking them to release me now? I have to get back to...my aunt," I didn't want him to think I was some overzealous snob as his friends seemed to think**, **and it wasn't a complete lie Gina was**...**like family so I was simply massaging the truth.

He stared at me for a moment, before nodding, "Alec." He said without turning towards his friend who sighed irritably before letting me go.

I held back a beam of delight and rolled my eyes towards Alec, before moving quickly through the small gap in the bush before G could change his mind, and as I snuck through I could hear the light sound of him chuckling.

I looked around at the dreary grey streets before weaving back through the crowd and hunting down Gina before I got into anymore trouble then I already was in. But I guess it was worth it after all that.

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	4. What would Emily do?

**Before I begin this chapter I would like to thank my awesome Beta **Baby Mama in training**! So read her amazing stories too :D**

**Thankyou to all those who've read, review, alerted and favourited this story, it means a lot and I hope you all like it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

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I peered out from my bedroom window as Kate and Georgina entered the house, even from this distance I could see the mud stains that ran across the knees of Kate's riding trousers, and the leaves that gathered around the crown of her head**, **I held back a smirk as I watched Georgina usher her upstairs quickly before mother could see her.

I had spent the day wondering through the gardens, trying to find inspiration for my story, I was going to be a writer you see and author of many books and novels and my life's works would be covering the selves of shops and homes all around the country, to me it wasn't merely a fantasy it was an inevitability I knew it was going to be difficult finding work as a female writer but when the world made it hard and filled my life with obstacles I turned to one of my hero's someone who was living proof that if I ever wanted something and worked hard enough to reach it, it could happen, that person was Emily Brontë, writer of Wuthering Heights, well not just her though but all the Brontë sisters.

It was strange and rather disappointing that Emily had died two decades before I was born, I would have loved to have gotten a chance to be in her presents known her perhaps or even gotten her thoughts on my own stories but like all great writers her time on earth had come to an end my mother didn't really understand my need to write she barely understood me at all, I was the eldest and I had even less experience with boys than Kate, but unlike my over obsessive mother I didn't care, I didn't need a man in my life to be happy I was perfectly content with being myself a strong independent woman.

I could heard Kate before I saw her, as she entered the room stomping her feet and giving out exaggerated sighs of defeat, I held back the urge to roll my eyes, I was like a flamingo living in a flock of pigeons the injustice was almost too much to bare

"I'm guessing it didn't go well." I stated looking down at my book trying to feign indifference.

"Didn't go well? Look at me? Of course it didn't go bloody well, I was poked, probed and on top of that some rough idiot thought it would be nice to test out how far my arms could bend!" She snapped, tugging off her boots and tossing them into the corner I laughed, causing her to go a shade of beetroot from a mixture of anger and embarrassment,

"I told you not to go, but would you listen to poor old Irina? No. It serves you right you daft mare." I said returning my gaze back to the first edition copy of Oliver Twist, while my youngest sister fumed in anger; it was almost laughable though I didn't particularly want to be yet again the poor victim of her temper tantrums.

"But it was not my fault! I only asked her what else we had on the list and then the old bat, decided I was pushing too many buttons, and I tell you the injustice of it all astounds me! How is it that I always seem to be at fault here? Why won't anyone listen to me? I'm not a child and I refuse to be treated as such." She huffed crossing her arms and moving towards her wardrobe, we had had this conversation on numerous occasions and it never once led to anything big.

"I wouldn't talk in such a manner if I were you because if Gina should hear you, you would be receiving far more than a good scrubbing and a spank..." I said quietly, returning to my favourite scene in the book, as Oliver meets the Artful Dodger, who teaches him the fine art of pick pocketing.

I could hear her sighing in defeat as she grabbed a towel and a freshly pressed dress before disappearing for her bath, and from across the hallway I could hear the loud noise of my mother's screeching making my ears ring, followed by silence as I pictured Kate bowing her head, trying to simulate innocence on my mother's behalf.

My mother had been alone for the most part of our lives, my father had died when I was a young child too young to remember him clearly, but I distinctly remember the smell of cinnamon and pipe tobacco following him around like an injured dog and laughter, I remember him once roaring with laughter at the smallest things and accomplishments, Kate was far too small to see him as more than a faceless blob that would lift her up and hold her when she cried, Tanya would brag consistently about how well she remembered him when she was only one or two years of age at the time and barely saw the man at all.

There was a strange silence in the house, and only the smallest of noise could be heard from downstairs muffled by the tea pot whistling on the stove, it was welcoming almost, like a blanket covering us in the middle of marchI leant my head against the cool bedroom window, and closed my eyes, drifting in and out of consciousness watching the world turn into nothing more than a distant blur, losing my grip on reality and welcoming fantasy with a friendly hug.I think I slept like this for at least an hour or two before the loud sound of my sisters footsteps clambered back into the room once again reminding me of the pigeon nest I was forced to call home until I eventually fled the coop.

"Irina you must get up now!" Gina's soft voice, called into my ear as she shook my shoulders roughly, I blinked trying to clear my vision.

"Irina!" She tried again, pulling me onto my feet, my knees began to quake slightly and I gripped onto the window seal and yawned stretching my arms out and rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

"What?..." I muttered smiling dreamily up to the big figure in front of me.

"Oh dear lord don't tell me you've forgotten already? Get dressed and hurry downstairs we have a guest." She whispered thrusting a clean set of clothes into my arms before leaving me to change.

"There you are! Do you loath your mother? Would you like to see her cry? Well would you? Honestly you girls shall be the death of me!"- She hissed into my ear before tugging me towards the dining room, where five sets of plates were placed on the table, I yawned quietly to myself as I trudged forwards-"First Kate, running around the streets like a half crazed hula gin! Coming back home with mud across her knees and god knows where else! Tanya for the fifth time if that dress hem goes up any higher he'll think your some kind of blooming Tart!" My mother cried, throwing her arms up in exasperation sending my sister a chilling glare causing her to pull the dress back down to its original length**.**

"What are you doing just standing there? Sit down! Christ let's not wait for the grass to grow! Just one night girls, ok one night where I don't feel like racking all of your necks with a metal shovel." I was about to point out how unlikely that would before receiving a half mad hiss from my mother and scurrying back to my seat, as she continued muttering her rant quietly to herself.

I loved my mother I honestly did, though I didn't want to be like her, in fact I didn't want to be anything like her and even though she had nursed and taken care of me on her lonesome for most of my life, and I was proud of her she also proved to me how much I wouldn't be able to do what she did, and how much I wanted to live my life. I wanted to travel and roam free, sell my books and make something of my life, and whilst Tanya would have been perfectly fine with a nice house, a nice husband and nice children, I didn't want that, not until I was older, I wanted to be free and write not having to worry about anyone but myself and not having some man determine my life for me and decide what was and what wasn't appropriate for me.

Kate understood that, she knew what it was like and wanted nothing more than to be free, and roam but she didn't want to be alone that was her problem she didn't want to be alone**. S**he never did, she was too dependent on others always trusting them to be there for her, thinking the world was so much more magical then reality let on.

"Georgina! Georgina! Get the door will you?" My mother called out taking a seat at between Tanya and I at the table and setting a calm smile on her face before turning towards the door.

I sighed, before looking at the door smiling calmly as our guest of honour strode in, he had his head slightly bowed and glanced around the room, it was Mr Cullen again, the man didn't seem to ever leave us be. It was quite irritating actually having a mystery man constantly roaming around like it was his home, never mind the inconvenience it was to us.

"Welcome Mr Cullen." My sisters and I chorused patronisingly, planting enthusiastic and happy grins onto our faces, I knew how everyone else felt about him; Tanya wanted to make a good impression in case he was wealthy or famous, Kate found his mystery intriguing and I found him an irritating little swat that needed to spend more time in his home he smiled slightly his eyes glancing around the table examining all of us.

"Thank you for having me at your home girls I feel very welcome." He stated before taking the seat between Kate and I, smiling warmly towards the two of us, I held back a gag and watched Kate roll her eyes behind his back the dinner was filled with mindless drivel about our lives and how we were getting on though I had a strange sense that he didn't really care at all, so when his questions turned to me I answered vaguely.

"I am doing well thank you, I'm actually doing perfectly fine so is my mother in case you were wondering, we're all doing perfectly fine so your interest in our lives is really unneeded." Before tucking into my chicken and potato, barely paying attention to his scrutinizing gaze and my mother shaking her head the well of apologies over flowing from her lips.

"Please excuse Irina she's not feeling very well at the moment." She stated smiling slightly towards the guest as Tanya took over the conversation.

"I am doing well; in fact earlier I was working on my penmanship and helping Mrs Benson with her gardening." She stated a charitable smile playing at her features, of course she had not really been helping Mrs Benson, she had been having a play date with her daughter and gossiping endlessly about what everyone was doing. But of course Mr Cullen simply nodded along and changed to topic of conversation until dinner was over when he praised my mother and Georgina on a fantastic meal before departing into the cold night air.

"One night Irina, one night without your judgemental attitude, was that too much to ask for? Oh forgive me your highness as not everyone can be as sophisticated and creative as you are some of us are purely human, and we do not need reminding of that with your superficial and sarcastic attitude polluting our environment." She stated getting up and collecting the dinner plates.

"How on earth am I superficial surely you must be mistake, because after all I am not the one putting on a performance for some silly old man! Why is he even here mother? Is he going to be our new father? Do you intend to marry the man? I thought you had far more standards then that!" I was gobsmacked, frowning to myself, I could feel the tension as silence filled the dining room and my mother stood frozen, dropping the plates angrily onto the floor.

"How dare you? How dare you! Do you honestly even realise the amount of things I have given up just to keep this family afloat?" She snapped her eyes narrowing as she looked down at me with distain.

"Most likely your sense of pride considering the fact you haven't even bothered answering my question!" I spat back feeling my blood boil, I knew I was walking on thin ice but I could not stop myself.

"That man..." My mother began gripping the edge of the table to stay calm.

"Is a whore who is chucking cash at you so he can find pleasure in himself!" I growled, narrowing my eyes towards her.

"Is the only thing keeping this family alive and stopping you from ending up in a work shop and your sisters from going into the mill or if you're lucky foster care!"**-** She hissed, causing all heads to snap up towards her,**-** "And you would do well to keep your comments to yourself."

There was silence complete silence and I found myself stammering out a short apology, the fact that this was not my intension only seemed to make the entire situation worse.

"Go to your room Irina." She said quietly her head bowed down as she stared at the table refusing to meet any of our gazes.

"B-but Mother I don't understand what do you mean..."

"Go to your room Irina! All of you go to your room! Leave me!" She snapped, spinning around and moving towards the sink with only a small cup in her hands, it felt so wrong, seeing her like this, it was as though this wasn't some small argument that would blow over within a day or two...this seemed different somehow more everlasting and though I know she was simply trying to keep us safe the idea of her keeping us in the dark with this didn't sit well with me either, it was like she had been lying to me, Georgina too who else knew?

There was a hesitant pause before Gina ushered my sisters and I up to bed, ordering us to keep quiet and to be bright and not disturb our mother for the rest of the night before hurrying back downstairs to clean us, neither Kate nor Tanya uttered a word to me or each other and simply changed into their night gowns before, lifelessly sliding into bed, closing their eyes tightly trying to erase the words our mother spoken I found myself shuddering slightly, my idea of an easy life once again slipping out of my grip and I fought to keep my hold of reality, venting out my anger in the pages of my novel.

_She struck him across the face, glaring down at the lying man at her feet as he looked up at her half shocked half saddened, she drew her hand back and gazed numbly into the air._

_He rested his head on her stomach sighing when she stroked his hair mindlessly, feeling a pool of self pity building its way through her system "What is wrong with us? Do we really loath one another so much we cannot even be happy for the shortest of moments? Do you truly hate me so much that you were willing to do what you did? And with my dearest friend no less...she was the __**only**__ solace I had in our marriage and you took her from me...Do you truly hate me so much?" She uttered quietly feeling the tears build up from behind her eyes as she looked down at her pitiful husband._

_He shook his head keeping his head at her stomach, "I'm so sorry..." He said his voice pained and hallow._

_She moved away from him, prying his hands from their grip around her waist and moved soundlessly towards their bed, laying under the fine silk blankets and closing her eyes as silent tears streamed across her cheeks and he sat in the same position, looking down at his hands as she drifted slowly into unconsciousness._

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	5. Playing in a gravegard

I saw him again, Garrett, while I was sitting next to Tanya in the church chapel as our local father Eleazar told today's bible story, he walked in late through the back doors half way through the speech, stepping slowly behind a pair of adults who were most likely his parents.

One was a man with a crooked old top hat and hair that fell inches past his ears a roughly shaved beard out lined his thin chapped lips, and his eyebrows were thick and knitted together as though he was deep in thought, and through the hairs of the little caterpillars. I could see his eyes the same lovely shade of magnificent blue as his sons, he pulled one hand out of the pocket of his messily cut green waist coat and tipped his hat forward towards the preacher before taking a seat in the isle across from mine.

His wife, walked in behind him, her vibrant red hair bouncing she wore a tired and faded black coat, and a tattered potato colored dress, her eyes were wide and sceptical as she gazed over the crowd a superior smirk spread across her lips. She sat down happily next to the man folding her hands onto his lap and beaming widely towards the priest, her eyes shining with amusement.

My eyes drifted from the odd pair towards Garrett who bowed his head slightly so his face was obstructed from my view before trudging in and sitting with the couple, he wore a plain pair of black trousers, a faded white shirt and an old blazer that had been rolled up at the hem until it reached his wrists and fell closely towards his knees. He glanced towards Eleazar before he walked into the row beside his mother, smiling slightly before picking up the program and joining in with the hymns and sitting down staring blankly ahead when he required no participation.

"He is looking at you again." Tanya muttered to me nodding in the direction of the young boy two rows a head of us, his name was Mike Newton, I wouldn't say he was bad looking at all, in fact he was exactly the kind of boy I would have expected to one day grow up and marry.

I smiled politely trying to keep the fierce blush that threatened to creep up my neck at bay, "I can see that..."

Tanya grinned, patting down her dress and pretending to pay attention to the front, though she was peering at me through the corner of her eye, I didn't even have to look at her to know this she was always this way. Maybe it was in the genes we were all pretty passionate girls, Irina with her books and values, me with my emotions and Tanya with her love and longing sometimes drifting into obsession.

Throughout the rest of the gathering I spent my free moments drifting into the welcomed comfort of my mind, amusing myself with absent thoughts of life and love, whilst also sending as many glances as I could manage towards the rough boy ahead of me. As the ceremony closed to an end, I moved quickly to pull my coat on, in my best attempt to reach Garrett before he could leave, it was better to do it here as I wouldn't be punished as much or at all, just as long as he remained in the church and father Eleazar was around to praise what he considered a good Samaritans job.

I self cautiously tightened the ribbon holding my hair back from my face, as I made a swift bee line towards him planting a friendly yet non threatening smile on my face, _hello..._that's what I was going to say it wouldn't hard at all, just one word, two syllables...and five letters, one word, two syllables and five letters.

I repeated this mantra in my head, as I moved closer towards him, he had his back turned to me, and seemed to be discussing something with his parents, his father who seemed as though he was once handsome or possibly could still be once he took a wash, noticed my presence and abruptly clamped his mouth shut, glancing from the laces of my shoes to the tip of my ribbon.( no gap)I could feel fear wash over me like a giant tidal wave, or pooling inside of me like a vortex, similar to the one from Gulliver's Travels; and I chose quickly between flight or fight, and headed towards the nearest exit. Feeling his gaze burning holes into my back, I pushed the arched wooden doors apart and squeezed between them.

Breathing in the cold foggy air of Forks, "How hard is it say hello? Honestly, he must think I'm so completely gormless that at any rate being a blonde is a god given gift if not ironic!" I cursed to myself, shaking my head as I took in my surroundings, the old cemetery was filled with row upon row of solid grey tomb stones, if I really wanted to, I suspect I could find my father's one amongst them.

He had been buried with his family, and when the time came my mother was to join him, it was to represent some strange display of affection, but the idea of having to obey your husband even when he is 6 feet in the ground made my insides churn. I never wanted to be married, not if it meant I had to abide by someone else rules, even if they were no longer with us.

The dark shade of the trees that covered the surrounding area, fit in well, and the low hanging branches, and eerie sound of a morning crow sent an ominous gave the impression of and ominous sort of presence.

I let my fingers trail the tops of each tomb stone I passed, occasionally glancing at the names engraved underneath them, picturing their ages, and silently wishing that there was enough space on the stone for a shot description of their deaths.

"You do realise it's rude to disturb the dead right?"- I jumped at the sound of a voice coming from behind me, spinning around quickly to face its owner; he smirked at me, leaning against a tall angelic statue of an avenging angel.-"Only I doubt that you really care about breaking boundaries do you Katie?" He continued, his smirk never fading from his face, I couldn't rein in the hot blush that crept its way up my neck painting my face a bright shade of red.

"My name is Kate, and if anyone should be worried about rudeness it would be you...sneaking up behind people like that, honestly you could have stopped my heart and then where would I be? Six feet under the earth amongst the dead that I supposedly disturbed, I doubt they would take so well to me then." I smiled slightly, glancing back towards the doors of the church I couldn't chat for much longer, because I had a feeling that at any given moment my mother and Gina would be out here hunting me down and telling me how naughty I've been.

He laughed, stepping towards me and shoving his hands deeper into his pockets, and I caught his eye as he glanced quickly at my Sunday dress a pale blue dress and a white coat before his eyes met mine. I was once again forced to look away from the intensity of them, he coughed running a hand through his hair "So Kate...what brings you out here? Don't tell me ya think you could be future grave digger." He joked, looking on behind me, I shook my head.

"I just needed some air...and besides I have family here." I smiled slightly, looking down at the ground, he was closer now, much closer then he was the last time we had come in contact, in fact he was standing right in front of me.

"What family?" He asked quietly, he smelt of honey suckle, honey suckle with a slight twang of dirt and born street smarts, he was so close.

I let out a small sigh, before turning towards the general direction of my family tomb, glancing back towards him, I continued my tapping, walking slightly less joyously then I had before, feeling the crushing weight of all the deaths around me finally taking its effect.

I imagined the mourners, the lovers and children, and I felt guilty for once being so morbid and self involved, so inside my head, I prayed not only for myself but for the dead, and I pondered on my own death and who would mourn me when I died, I have heard a saying once, a wise man once said our finger prints never fade from the lives we touch and I hope that they never do.

I glanced around checking my surroundings once more before I saw it; it was a tall statue with a giant stone cross and on the top of it engraved in large letters was the name Denali.

He smiled towards me, leaning back against the white picket fence barrier the outside world from the private allotment, he's gazed drifted up and he kept his eyes on the rolling clouds.

"Do you believe in heaven?"

"Yes."

"Do you believe in hell?"

"Yes..."

He looked towards me, his brows pulling together and stepped towards me, "Why..." He asked, standing closer towards me, if anyone else was present to see the way he was looming over me they would probably assume he was about to steal from me but I felt a strange safety around him.

I shrugged, "If there was only heaven then where would all the bad people go?" I asked, glancing around trying my best to avoid his gaze, maybe he didn't like my answer he didn't speak for what felt like an eternity.

"Kate!" A slightly deranged voice called out from the distance I jumped a little, squinting at the figure waving frantically at the doorway, I sighed moving away from my companion.

"Sorry, I have to go..." I muttered glancing towards my mother, before rushing towards her side, my feet barely touching the ground as I ran, my hair flying back behind me, I grinned loving the feeling of freedom and air.

She put her hands on her hips before ushering me back inside shaking her head quickly, and glancing towards the place where I had left G.

**_Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us..._**

_I blinked, brushing my hair out of my face, looking around through the thick raining air, my breath hot as I panted, I looked around in a rush, and the thick blackness that covered the cemetery sent shivers of fear running down my spine._

_He was supposed to be here, I stretched my arms out in front of me, fingering towards the stone material of the tombs, patting them gingerly, counting my paces until I felt the rugged wing of an avenging angel, gripping onto it, trying climb up the slippery stone, my hair mattered on my face and goose bumps rising on my arms._

_I looked frantically around from the peek, clinging onto the wing, trying my best not to slip my feet bare and cold, I saw a small light moving towards me and squinted frightened sinking back behind the tall marble body._

_His face was obscured by the darkness and his own clothes were matted, I felt my hands loose their grip on the stone sculpture my knee scrapping across the rough material, hitting the ground quickly, a sharp pain climbing its way up my knee, I bite my lip hard, almost drawing blood as I tried to keep quiet, he moved closer towards me and the smell of honey suckle was ever present._

_His eyes shone brightly as he kneeled beside me.__I felt a distant pang in my heart and held my breath, as another dark figure moved out of the shadows and stood beside him, his own eyes dimmed and his expression blank, he stuck his hand towards me and I felt the cold already radiating from him._

**_And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil_**

I woke up with a start cold sweat mattering my forehead.

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**Thankyou to my amazing Beta! :D **Baby Mama In Training **if it wasn't for you this story wouldn't be nearly as good. Thankyou to all those who've been reading this story!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**


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